"Human Doings"

"People are no longer human beings. We should be called human doings."

It's unfortunate how busy people always are, including myself (big time). Carlson suggested to let yourself be bored, it's good for you! When you just do nothing (i.e. stare out the window) you can eventually just focus on calm thoughts and learn to truly relax. Instead of always being hyper-focused on what's next you can learn to concentrate on what's now. This kind of tip is something i really need to focus on, even if i only do it for 15 minutes a day. I think it can really make a difference in my daily life.

Time Warp

New tip I found in Carlson's book called the "Time Warp" game. Here's how it works:

When dealing with a circumstance that is happening in the present; think to yourself, "will this matter to me a year from now?" This could be in relation to anything from a fight with a friend to a sprained ankle. Carlson said that most of the time whatever the situation is, it won't matter a year from that point.

The purpose of this exercise is to put what is important into perspective and let everything else go. This is definitely something I can try on a daily basis because I am the type of person who gets worked up over the small stuff which just causes unneeded stress, concern, and probably wrinkles somewhere down the road.

What's Left To-Do?

Ask any of my friends and they will tell you I am a list maker. I make to-do lists, supply lists, shopping lists, anything and everything lists. They keep me in check when I know I am going to forget something and remind me of what needs to get done on a daily or weekly basis. I'm the kind of person that gets excited when someone gives me new notepads or small post-it sized desk notes as a gift.

Dr. Carlson discussed how to-do lists are not always healthy and that they make excuses for people to spend time with friends and family. I don't feel that my list making habits are that severe but I do feel that because of my lists there is always something to do or remember. They almost cause me to stay in a hectic mindset. Dr. Carlson made it clear that there will things to get done, but you have to be able to accept that fact and take one minute, hour, day, week at a time.

My new goal is to not stop my lists completely but try not to make such extensive ones constantly. It becomes a necessity to have every day's agenda written down. Then starts the stress and worry that I don't have the time to do it all. Sometimes I have to stop trying to run around and accomplish everything and take time to relax and appreciate what's around me. Should be a challenge!

Interrupting and Cutting Others Off

In my previous post, I mentioned a new technique I found in one of my books. It said that busy people tend to interrupt and cut others off while they are talking. I've been trying to pay more attention to the way I interact and speak with my friends and my family. As a result of this I have noticed that some of my other friends are more guilty than I am when it comes to interrupting. I have definitely caught myself about to cut some people off in the past couple of days, but I'm trying to stop the urge before it happens.

I think that if I can stop this habit completely it will help me to pay more attention to what everyone is saying instead of waiting for my turn to speak. Not interrupting others slows me down and makes having a conversation more enjoyable.

New Knowledge & Tips

I've been reading through my first book, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and It's All Small Stuff"by Richard Carlson, and I've come across some extremely useful information to help me release my stress and worry.

1. Frantic thinking takes up more of ones energy and effort. It drains a person of their creative energy. When you have inner peace, you create less distractions from your needs and concerns and allow more time to achieve your goals along with just being joyful and happy.

2. Stop mental-snowballing! An example of mental-snowballing is waking up in the middle of the night to remember an important phone call that needs to be made the next day. Once you've remembered the phone call, a list of everything that needs to get done the next day starts running through your head and you begin to feel overwhelmed. Instead of filling your mind with more thoughts and adding stress, be grateful that you remembered to make the phone call and move on. To stop this habit of mental-snowballing, simply catch it before it takes over. When you find yourself about to go through the list in your head, stop, take a deep breath, and relax your mind. Don't let it become a stressor!

3. There will always be something on your "to-do" list - and that's okay! Many people think that once their "to-do" list is finished they will be able to relax and be happy, but in reality they just replace their finished tasks with new ones. This is an easy way to unintentionally avoid family and friends. Carlson put it in an a very clever way, he said "remind yourself that when you die, your 'in basket' won't be empty".

4. Busy people tend to fall into the habit of interrupting/cutting others off when they are speaking - guilty as charged! If you stop yourself before you interrupt others and let them finish their thought, your relationship will grow and you will improve conversation as opposed to rushing through it.

5. Live in the present! This is something that I have been told countless times, but is easier said than done. John Lennon sums it up quite well, "life is what's happening when you're busy making other plans". I understand this concept, but my challenge is to truly live by this and try my best not to constantly be thinking about tomorrow or worrying about what happened yesterday.

Self-Improvement Project Books!

I have found two books that will hopefully help me crack my problem...

Book #1

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff by Richard Carlson Ph.D

This book highlights many different topics to help you do just as it says, not sweat the small stuff. For example, some of the chapter titles are Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't be Supers-achievers, Lower your Tolerance to Stress, and Set Aside Quiet Time, Everyday. I don't think every single chapter in this book will relate to my exact problem, but I definitely think it will help.

Book #2

Women Who Worry Too Much by Holly Hazlett-Stevens, Ph.D

This book targets women and worry/anxiety. It focuses firstly on what worry and anxiety are. then in its second part it goes on to discuss how to overcome worry and then how to overcome specific worries.

I will keep posting updates on how the tips and tricks in these books help me out!

Stress & Worry - My Self-Improvement Project

I was assigned a semester project for my psychology class. The project's topic is "Self-Improvement". The main goal of the problem is to identify a part or trait about yourself that needs improvement i.e. time-management skills, procrastination, relationships, trust, etc. Once a topic has been identified I am supposed to research books and other resources to help me to solve or help improve my problem. This project is all about the individual, me.

After much consideration and thought, I chose stress management/worry as the focus for my project. These two similar parts of my life tend to hold me back. I feel that I stress out quickly, which leads to feeling overwhelmed, leading to loads of worry and distraction from my everyday life. I am a very dedicated person who likes to get involved. Everything that I do has purpose in my heart, but the stress that comes with it is detrimental to my health.

My goal is to be able to continue doing all that I do (school, student council, dance, assistant teach, part-time job, & more) while staying cool, calm, and collected and avoiding the dreaded stress!

Wish Me Luck!

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"Diseases of the Brain"

In your opinion, to what extent are personal problems like depression or addiction "diseases of the brain" or personal failings? Discuss examples of psychological issues that you have observed in friends and family that are related to the function of the brain in some way.

Things like addiction and depression are extremely complex disorders of the mind. Within my family I have members who have suffered from both of those diseases. I feel that Addiction is 50% mental and 50% biological. I've always heard people saying that "addiction runs in the family" but that statement in general can impact your mind. Once someone becomes an alcoholic there body starts to yearn for its stimulant, in this case alcohol, mentally and physically. To the person addicted I would assume that their mind has great control over their actions but their physical obedience to the drug may over power the mind in certain circumstances.

getting to know you...

1. In what ways did the experiences of your early childhood make you who you are today? How about your relationships with your parents? Explain, using specific examples (psychoanalytic).

I feel like I have had a very nice childhood. In my opinion all of my trips to Van Saun Park, hiking with my family (even though i hated hiking), lots of family parties where I was able to see my cousins, and spending a lot of time together is something I am grateful for. When I was 3 years old, my parents got divorced. From that point on I have moved 9 times. Fortunately I never had to switch schools. One of my parents always have always lived in Hillsdale therefore I never had to change schools. Despite the divorce both of my parents have been amazing people and influences. They never used the divorce as an excuse for any problems that came up, and even though I was young, I never felt as though it was my fault that they didn't stay together. Fast forward to the present and i have a really good relationship with both of my parents. My dad is one of the best problem solvers I know and he's always there for me whenever. My mom and I are always laughing. She is extremely understanding in any circumstance. I think that growing up in two separate houses with two separate sets of rules has made me a versatile person and someone who is able to adapt to change when necessary.

5. What is your unique outlook on life in general? What type of attitude do you have towards the world around you (cognitive)?

I think that i have a very positive outlook on life. I try to find the good in most things before I delve into the bad. I like to surround myself with positive people who know how to make me laugh. My friends are the ones that bring out the best in me and that's why I stick with them. I also try to do the things that I love. Everyone is placed on earth to pursue something that is special to them. Whatever you do in life, you should love it. Life would be pointless without things that you love and have passion for. Life would just be plain boring without those things!